Dear Lovies:
It pained Muva’s heart to get the following question:
“What advice do you have for a mother whose adult child has not spoken to her in over a year?”
After I clutched my pearls until they gave up and fell apart to the ground, I took a deep cleansing breath. Recognizing that parents aren’t perfect people, I responded to Mom and asked a few pointed questions such as did she eat one of the grandchildren? The response I received confused me even further, because it seems from Mom’s account, her adult child is upset because Mom failed to take her health more seriously.
So, I get it to a point. My siblings and I worry constantly about our aging parents’ health, and we work as a team to be certain all needs are met and Drs. appointments are kept. We check in to be certain they are living comfortably and want for nothing. While we get incredibly frustrated at times, we would not in a million years stop speaking to them, and go further to avoid being seen with them publicly. Family dynamics can be delicate consideringall the intricacies that go back generations, and so my advice to Mom was this — keep praying for her child, no matter what it may feel like right now, and keep the doors open, literally and figuratively, for when the moment comes that they may want to communicate.
To those among us who are upset with parents for whatever the reason — do not find yourself steeped in regret. Holding a grudge, thinking you have all the time in the world to let it go, may backfire on you.
Open the door a tiny bit, because no matter how offended you may be, that is still the parent that brought you into the world. Neither one of you can live forever, and life’s trivialities are easily solved when we seek first to understand instead of being understood.Let me tell you what I know for certain — wailing over a casket after the fact solves nothing. At the very least, come to a clearing of the air; choose what works best for your mental state, and move on with your life, if an amicable solution can’t be found.
We are too old and grown to be holding grudges like a favorite stuffed animal from childhood.
We can do better.
Until next time lovies,
Be well.
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